2 weeks. Almost. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve had abnormal sleeps. Since when? When Brian left for a 6-day trip to Sydney, leaving me behind. Of course, that made me feel a little sad. Cut me some slack, I know 6 days’ pretty quick. I emailed Brian screaming for him to go back soon and making him promise we go visit Australia together, early next year. *yey!* So, yes! the spoiled wife was being a drama queen and all. If I tell you I’ve cried sometimes before I slept, would you even believe me? So how abnormal? Well, I only get to sleep when it’s already 3am and wake up soooo late. I thought it was something temporary but no, even when Brian already came back home, what’s become a really bad habit now decided to stick longer on my system and since yesterday I started to get a little panicky about the idea of — it’s getting stuck on my throat just to say it — ‘insomnia’. My friend chatted with me and she believed I might have fallen to that category. And I dreaded it. And now, I’m still awake. *sigh* Time stamp – 12:18am.
I’ve been also over analyzing things lately and blaming it on the jetlag the week after I came back from the US trip last month. “Really, Jhoe? Don’t you think you’re probably having more than just jetlag issues now?” So, I’m hearing my thoughts out loud. I’m still trying to figure out what are these things going on my head to be honest, because you see, the moment I lie down and exchanged goodnight kisses, I turned around at the other side of the pillow and start to THINK. I THINK whatever there was to THINK about. I usually do but not beyond beyond bedtime. LOVE. i really want a new puppy. LIFE. maybe next year, we’ll have our first baby. maybe. TRAVEL. i want to move out to another country. PHOTOGRAPHY. I’m taking a loooong pause right here. So ‘WHAT NOW?’ Oh, I hope this is all normal. It should be. Everyone goes through these kind of phase in their lives. Yes? So this must be that feeling somewhere being stuck between a rock and a hard place? Really? Not again? Well, I’ve been there before — so come to think of it — if I survived it last time, I should be able to go out of this little chaos on my head again. As much as I’ve been feeling blessed though of this freedom of being able to DO what I LOVE doing now, Universe, Thank you! — I still feel something else I can’t pretty much point out — did I say the ‘stuck’ word already, right? — it’s like there at the tip of my tongue but what? — I.just.feel.like.I’m not doing things right. Or am I just being too hard on myself? Other parts of the globe are worried about the hurricanes and earthquakes and all the other sad stories out there. God knows I’m praying for them. But here I am, probably just – again — over-analyzing. “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Whether it was Plato or someone else who said that, I know they’re damn right. This is the part where I feel like deleting all what I’ve just typed up there. But no, I just had to let those out so I can breathe again. Breatheeeeee. I needed that.
Well, dear September. Let’s get down to some serious business. Now that you’re here, I need you to work with me. Yes, roll out your sleeves and let’s do this! Do what? Remind me that I have to lace up my running shoes again and hit the tracks like how I used to. You know how much I need to train harder now that it’s less than 100 days left before my 1st Full Marathon (42KillerMeters) this December. Oh, the goosebumps, what have I gotten myself into? *grin*
And this is where I really should stop typing. Time stamp – 12:41 am. And time to count sheeps.Again.
Wait, I was wrong – it’s 2:16am — what? already??? I feel a throbbing headache coming. Uh-oh. I had to re-read (should there be a dash between re & read?), retype, repeat this whole could-be-non-sense-post I’ve caused you to waste maybe 5 mins of your time.
Goodnight, Goodmornig!! and Happy Thursday!!!
Random photo below. San Jose, California. July 2011. That big sign down there, is meant surely for me. And when I wake up later, time to put out that “MOVE ON” sign. 🙂