springtime with Pixie

dearest Pixielove,

this is a lengthy post again. we are sure loving what springtime brings!

3 months ago went by just like that after you just turned 4. And i just realized that we also just , sort of , turned a little over 1 year with our homeschooling journey since we moved here in Sydney. I dug back old photos from instagram to recall what we mostly did and delighted to see all sorts of free play, our happy biking adventures, some yoga love (if we weren’t lazy), grocery weekday trips, random museum visits, endless backyard playtime, gardening in our thriving lil kitchen garden, spontaneous picnics & beach trips, enjoyable train & bus rides and those fun-filled road trips!

But in between those happy days are still the daily dramas of chaos and pain in dealing with your meltdowns, I sometimes question myself if I could go on with homeschooling you honestly. yes, I have those moments, too. it’s an everyday battle and they’re parenting realities I supposed. then I realized again that you are still learning to self-control and deal with your big and small emotions, too. You’d say, “But Mama, it’s hard when I feel angry. I feel bad and sad so I cry and scream.” I have cried inside everytime I lose myself in anger, too. And I feel really sorry when things don’t go your way. Mama needed to reinforce disciplinary actions. Please know I only wished for you to learn to be a better little person, too. In the end, we still hugged, kissed and forgave each other. I have more and more things to learn from you. And as I wake up each morning, I pray that God give me more strength that I could possibly have to become a better Mama to you, too.

The other day, while we were in the bath, I asked you, would you like to stay in a school inside a classroom or go to many places? And you replied with enthusiasm, “I want to go many places, Mama”! That was very uplifting, melting away all the frustrations instantly and I smiled (almost cryin’) from ear to ear. We’re on the right track after all…because this is exactly how I imagined and hoped you’d remember your childhood — all the fun limitless memories you can think of and at the same time fostering a passion in learning everywhere you go.

I’m delighted at the thought of homeschooling because it never meant we’re stuck in the house all the time. it meant all the freedom we can have and this world of life-long learning is at your finger tips. Again, I am not worrying if you already can read and write or not. Because I believe when you’re ready, you’ll be ready. Some people would think I’m sheltering you from the other harsh realities of life like bullying and stuff — but everywhere there’ll always be harshness too. I have more genuine intentions bigger than what other people might negatively think. Spending your childhood with you meant a lot more. The pure joy in your eyes whenever you discover something proved rewarding enough. And though always bittersweet, I can’t wait to see you all grown up forging your own path and making things happen without letting people stop you. I have so much faith in you and seen you lately becoming a little big person with a very adventurous heart and a strong-willed mind. You’ll need it to face the bigger world sooner. And when we can, your Papa and I will be supporting you every step of your way.

Live and love fiercely, Pixie.

Always by your side,
Mama

Our instagram stories at a glance.. can’t wait to print them all in little cute books.

sorry for some low quality photos via instagram. 🙂

while the Jacarandas were in full bloom in our neighborhood, I managed to capture some of its beauty with you.

Finally, another photo with me and you, to remember our springtime biking adventures…

You know you are my own best frenenemy 😱😭😍 wild and free-spirited and always strong-willed. we love and fight but love more each other every.single.day!!! I stare at this photo while feeling a sting in my eyes. You’ve grown…really really grown.